Self-Care 101: Starting Small When You’re Used to Doing It All
I used to wear exhaustion like a badge of honor — until it all caught up with me
Growing up, I was raised in a culture of productivity.
How much we were getting done, sacrificing ourselves to help others, and seeking validation through outside sources were held in high regard.
I frequently overworked myself, ignored my body's cues for anything from hunger to needing rest or water, and was constantly looking to others to dictate what I did. Now that I’m in my 30’s though, I can honestly say — this type of “productivity” wasn’t productive for me.
Prioritizing productivity above everything else led to burnout. And recovering from burnout required me to take a huge step back from everything I had been working towards my whole life. But healing is possible, and now I can say with confidence that I’m able to trust myself to prioritize myself, my wants and needs, and my desire to be “successful” in life in a much more balanced way.
Defining Self-Care
According to the World Health Organization, self-care is the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a health worker.
Self-care — now considered somewhat of a buzzword in health and wellness — can look different for everyone. For some, self-care looks like prioritizing sleep, while for others it’s taking mini breaks throughout the day, establishing a yoga practice, getting out in nature, keeping up with doctors appointments, or taking medications daily — but the practice of self-care shares the same goal: to take care of one’s ‘self.’
Starting My Self-Care Journey
For those of us who have always prioritized productivity, we truly have to start at the beginning — focusing on nourishment, hydration, rest, and movement.
When I began my self-care journey, I wasn’t sleeping or eating great, I drank coffee, alcohol, and Diet Cokes more often than water, I was skipping breakfast, waiting until I “had time” to eat, and while I wasn’t completely sedentary, I spent a lot of my day seated at a desk, and then laying on the couch when I got home. I felt awful, and I was in complete denial.
I started with sleep, since I was tired all the time. Prioritizing sleep may seem simple but there’s a lot that goes into good sleep hygiene, including a sleep schedule, sleep environment, and considering all of the activities throughout the day that affect your sleep. Over time — not all at once – I started to make changes that helped me sleep better.
My first step was cutting out alcohol because I knew it was having the biggest effect on my sleep among other things. Whether I was going to bed too late because I was out drinking, or having difficulties falling or staying asleep because I’d had too much wine too close to bedtime, or dealing with hangover anxiety, I had to start there.
Next was getting in bed earlier, followed by putting my phone away about an hour before getting in bed, and even things like adding lavender and chamomile into my oil diffuser at night. Luckily I always prioritized making my bed itself comfortable, so with all of these changes, my sleep environment became truly dreamy, making “going to bed” something I looked forward to rather than avoided.
Another benefit to prioritizing my sleep first was that feeling more rested allowed me to start making changes in other areas from a better mental place. Cutting out alcohol and getting better sleep meant I wanted to move my body more, that I wanted to drink water, and that I felt hungry and could start doing my best to stop ignoring it.
I’ve seen firsthand for myself and friends and family that there seems to be a domino effect to practicing self-care — when you start to feel its effects, it’s hard to ignore where else you might need to focus.
How I Know it’s Working
How do I know it’s working? I feel different — (so much better!) — and I notice the effects right away when I start to get ‘lazy’ and prioritize other things. Maybe the most noticeable change is my whole mentality around self-care. It’s no longer a task on a to-do list that I may never get to, it’s a series of steps I take throughout each and every day because I know how I’ll feel if I don’t. Essentially, they’re non-negotiables now.
I was talking with my mom recently on a particularly stressful day for her, and I asked if she had eaten anything yet that day. Her response: “No, but I’ve already done my hair, cleaned the kitchen, and gotten almost everything on my work list done- – you’d be so proud.” My response? “Productivity no longer impresses me, Mom, I’d much rather know you’re taking care of yourself first.” And the real accomplishment was that I meant it.
Getting to Know Yourself to Get Started
What I’ve been describing is primarily physical self-care, but there are many other categories and areas of focus to choose from — mental, emotional, spiritual, environmental, financial, social, professional, educational, recreational — so taking on self-care can begin with anything from drinking water, starting therapy, or stretching, to opening a savings account, making time to pray or journal, or adding a social activity to your schedule (or removing one!).
Start by asking yourself these questions:
Where am I struggling most right now?
(e.g., I’m tired all the time, anxious about money, overwhelmed at work)Why do I think I’m struggling?
Is my environment contributing to this?
Are my daily habits helping or hurting me?
Is my schedule sustainable, or is it burning me out?
Try one of these small first steps:
Drink a glass of water first thing in the morning.
Go to bed an hour earlier.
Eat something for breakfast, even if it’s small.
Take a five-minute walk.
Schedule a doctor’s appointment you’ve been putting off.
Think about your support system:
Can I talk to a therapist or counselor?
Could a friend or family member help hold me accountable?
Is there a class, group, or community that could support me?
(e.g., AA, a running group, book club, meditation class)
Reconnect to your “why":
What change do I want to make? Why?
How do I hope to feel? Why?
What do I want my daily life to look like? Why?
Remember, self-care doesn’t require perfection — just curiosity and intention.
If you’re not sure where to begin, explore one of the resources below, and take your first small step from there:
Self-Care Quiz - Take this quiz to find out what to focus on first. Come back to this quiz whenever you need it!
Guide to Better Sleep - Ways to build better sleep hygiene, from the Sleep Foundation.
Aura App & Calm App - Both provide support for meditation and better sleep.
Alcoholics Anonymous / Al-Anon - Find a meeting near you.
Finding a Therapist - A past post of mine on how therapy has helped me and tips on how to find the right therapist for you.
99 Self-Care Activities - If you’re looking for self-care ideas but feel stuck, here are ways to get started.
Disclaimer: This blog is not meant as professional advice or counseling. If you are in emotional distress or experiencing thoughts of harm to yourself or others, help is available 24/7:
If in crisis, call 988
Text HELLO to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Text Line counselor
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1–800–273–8255 (TALK) Spanish & English
Deaf & Hard of Hearing TTY 800–799–4889
Call 911
If you need mental health treatment but cannot afford it, contact Rise Above The Disorder, a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to making mental health care accessible to everyone: YouAreRAD.org
