So What’s Stopping You From Starting Therapy?
There’s a reason going to therapy is more common than ever.
If you’ve been hesitant, here’s what’s changed, what to expect, and how to find the right therapist for you.
“You know what could help with that…? Therapy!”
This is a phrase I have said repeatedly to anyone and everyone that I know and they’re definitely sick of hearing it, especially my parents. But when you’ve participated in something that has been pivotal to your own self-acceptance, growth, and development, it’s hard not to want to share that with others. It’s harder still when you’re talking to people that you love who are struggling, and hardest when you know your relationships with those people would improve – as well as their relationships with themselves – if they would just give it a try.
Part of what therapy has taught me though is that you can’t force anyone to do anything. You have to meet people where they’re at, and sometimes they’re not ready for that next step – be it therapy or any other tool or resource that will help them in life. So in addition to my endless nudges, I also lean into what I know best, which is to focus on doing the work for myself and hope that in seeing all of the positive benefits it has given me, it might inspire someone to take a step towards giving it to themselves. In therapy they call that – modeling.
Since you don’t know me personally, I can’t exactly model the impact therapy has had on my life in real time, but I can share my experience, explore some of the common reasons for avoiding therapy, as well as impart information about what you can expect to help you decide if therapy is right for you.
Ways You Can Find A Therapist
First things first – finding a therapist. These days there are so many ways to find a therapist, it’s really about which way will work best for you. You can:
Google it: Search “Therapists in my area” to find options nearby.
Ask for a referral: Reach out to friends, family that you trust.
Use Online Directories like Psychology Today or similar sites where you can filter by specialty, gender, distance, etc.
Check with your insurance: Search your insurance provider’s online directory or call for a list of covered therapists.
Try online therapy platforms: like TalkSpace, GrowTherapy or one of the many others on this Forbes list for the Top 10 Online Therapy Services in 2025
Use ChatGPT! (Sample prompt provided below
“Hi ChatGPT, I’m looking for a therapist and could use help narrowing it down.
Here’s what I’m looking for:
My schedule is (insert availability—e.g., evenings, weekends, lunch hours).
I prefer (in-person / virtual / hybrid) sessions.
My budget is ($XX) per session, and I (do / don’t) have insurance.
I’m seeking therapy for (e.g., anxiety, grief, burnout, trauma, relationships).
Bonus if they specialize in (optional: EMDR, CBT, LGBTQIA+, chronic illness, etc.).
I live in (city/state).”
Common Reasons for Avoiding Therapy
There are many reasons people avoid therapy so I won’t be covering all of them, but here are some of the most common reasons I’ve heard and how I’d respond to them:
How do I know if I found the right therapist? Finding a therapist may take a few tries, but you can trust that you’ll know if it’s a good fit after staying open to the process for a bit.
What if I don’t like my therapist? You’re allowed to switch! Finding the right fit is part of the process similar to finding a dentist, or even a hair stylist.
How will talking to a stranger help me? Can’t I just talk to my friends? Friends care, but a therapist is trained to help you in ways your friends can’t.
They’ll probably just blame my parents right? Not exactly. Therapy focuses on your experiences, not on blaming anyone, it’s about understanding patterns, not finger-pointing.
In my initial email to a few therapists I found online, I included in my email that I was struggling with my mom’s recent cancer diagnosis. After receiving their responses, I decided to make an appointment with the person who told me they had experience with people who had family members with cancer. I figured that was the best place to start (spoiler alert – it was).
Knowing what I know now, I’d suggest doing just a little bit of preparation before your first session to help you assess whether your therapist is a good fit. Your therapist will most likely ask some version of “So what brings you to therapy?” This is where you have the opportunity to say what’s been on your mind, what you’ve been struggling with, a behavior you want to change, etc. Thinking about this answer ahead of time so you’re ready for it can help set you up for a great start.
After responding you can ask, “Can you help me?” A good therapist will answer you honestly and provide some information about how they think they can help you.
Additionally if you have any concerns or fears about doing therapy, this is a great time to bring them up. Give your therapist the opportunity to address them right away, rather than stewing on them throughout your sessions. By doing this preparation you can initially find out whether it could be a good fit, and then you’ve got to be open to letting it become a good fit.
If it feels ok to continue after the first session, even if it doesn’t feel perfect, you can choose to move forward and simply stay open to receiving help. If it doesn’t, meaning you’re not open to exploring further with this therapist, you can simply tell them that or write them a breakup/completion email afterward; just try not to ghost them – no one likes that.
I was very nervous for my first appointment. The vulnerability that comes along with talking to a stranger about your most intimate, shameful, and embarrassing moments in your life can feel overwhelming. However for me, it was the fact that this person was a stranger that made therapy so helpful. Friends and family will often listen to your “problems” and decide what they think is best for you. While a therapist will listen to you and help you get clarity on what you think is best for you, while coaching you on how to weed through all of the societal and familial limitations and conditioning you have absorbed. A therapist helps you to figure out who you are at the root of it all, and then teaches you to trust yourself to do what is best for you, regardless of what anyone else thinks… It truly can be freeing.
For the next few months I went once per week, and after every session I wondered - is this the right therapist for me? I wasn’t sure because it felt like we weren’t really getting anywhere. Thankfully I decided to keep showing up since I felt mostly neutral about it, and it often felt great after the fact to just get some things off my chest. Slowly but surely, the space we co-created became one of safety and support, and I started making some real progress in my then life.
We absolutely talked about my parents plenty because the things that happened in my childhood have greatly influenced who I am now. But it is definitely not as simple as “it’s all your parents’ fault.” When we talked about things that happened we focused on how they affected me, and also how they influenced my choices and behaviors. By understanding myself in that way, I was able to truly make lasting changes in my life. Change begins with self-awareness, followed by self-acceptance, and then — and only then — can true change occur. While there are situations where going to therapy changes or even ends relationships, from my perspective those are the unhealthy relationships that may be worth ending in the first place. Through my therapy experience, I have only learned to better understand not just myself, but also my parents, and as a result to have much more compassion for them than I ever did previously, making our relationships now the most honest and genuine they’ve ever been.
What to Expect in Therapy
If you’re still a bit nervous and/or curious about the talk therapy experience, I recommend reading this book ~ and how does that make you feel? by Joshua Fletcher, @anxietyjosh. In it, Joshua, a licensed psychotherapist and anxiety expert in the UK, details the experience from both the therapist and the patient perspectives by providing four example patient stories and how he worked to help them.
I have to admit that at times, learning more about Joshua made me a bit uncomfortable because it's easy to think your therapist is an all-knowing guru, impenetrable to humanness. But they’re not, and knowing your therapist is just as much a human as you are knocks them off that pedestal, in an amazing way.
Joshua does an incredible job detailing some of the most common concerns individuals are dealing with like anxiety, OCD, domestic violence, self-harm, and even criminal behavior, and how he addresses each one. He describes and models the importance of professionalism in the therapeutic relationship, as well as having boundaries and practicing within your scope, highlighting the training that therapists go through in order to do what they do.
How Therapy Has Changed
Even though I had been to therapy around age 10 or 11 - first when my parents were going through a divorce, and again at 15 or 16 during a time when my mom and I were constantly fighting - I never felt like it helped me. What I realize now looking back on those sessions, is I wasn’t really getting to the root of anything. Part of that disconnect was probably due to my age, but I also believe it's because therapy has evolved - and in some really great ways:
Less stigma: In many circles, therapy is becoming something people no longer feel the need to hide.
Telehealth options: You can see a therapist from almost anywhere, and in some cases, anytime.
More accessible information: Mental health education is everywhere (but vet your sources carefully!).
More trauma-informed: Therapy recognizes how past experiences shape current behaviors.
Embodied practice: It’s not just about talking — it’s about feeling and processing emotions.
Focuses on growth, not ‘fixing’: Therapy helps you build emotional strength over time, like exercise for your mind and heart.
Therapy used to be very hush-hush. If you were seeing a therapist you had to have a severe mental health concern, or you risked being considered ‘crazy.’ Nowadays however, the once widely stigmatized act of seeing a therapist is not only encouraged, it’s celebrated. And with telehealth services now available too, therapy is as easy as jumping on a Zoom, which means you can access it from nearly anywhere and fit it into your schedule more easily. Additionally, with social media, the information about talk therapy is out there if you want it, in whatever format you want it. Just be sure to use your best judgement to discern the difference between creators that are trustworthy, knowledgeable, and credible and those that aren’t. Here’s a comprehensive list of the Top 100 Mental Health Influencers in 2025.
I don’t ever remember hearing the word trauma until the last 10 years or so, and now it’s so common it almost feels trendy - which is unfortunate because it’s extremely enlightening to learn about, and can be the difference between being stuck in the past, or growing into your future. Talking about our traumas can be uncomfortable, but it is also empowering, and truly life-changing. A common concern I hear from people is that they don’t want to just rehash old wounds, but what they’re not seeing is by not talking about them, they’re avoiding them, and there is no growth with avoidance; true growth comes from facing things head on.
“Where do you feel that in your body?” is something my therapist commonly asks in our sessions, and even though I sometimes struggle to answer her, this is the type of question that helps me to ‘feel my feelings’ rather than ‘intellectualize my feelings.’ This practice is necessary to process emotions coming up through the conversation. As a result, therapy has become an embodied practice, which actually speeds up the healing process.
While the process of healing never really ends (since we will continue to experience different things in life), that's ok because the goal of therapy is not to be 'fixed’ or ‘healed.’ Therapy helps you to become stronger and more resilient, emotionally speaking. It is similar to physical fitness in the sense that it equips you for your future life experiences, as much as it addresses your current state. Think of a therapy session as a hike, a Pilates class, yoga, or even just a jump rope - it is a space, a resource, a tool to help you get stronger both mentally and emotionally. Just like with working out, your goals will change, and sometimes you can achieve what you want in a few sessions, while at other times it might take a few months, or even a few years. This all depends on your starting point, what your aim is, and how committed you are. At any time you can choose to take a rest break, and after you’ve achieved some milestones you can reassess your goals, or find a comfortable schedule to ‘maintain.’
Is Therapy Right For You?
I’d love to encourage you to see a therapist, if there is even a small chance it might help you. Having spent the last 6 or so years in therapy on and off, all I can say is that I love it. I love the sessions, I love what it has done for me and my life, and I love the true growth I feel as a result of showing up.
One of my next goals in life is, honestly, to get back into therapy - because I look at it as a gift I can give myself: one dedicated hour a week of me dedicated to working on myself. Therapy is a piece of equipment in my “life-gym” to keep my mind/body/soul healthy. It’s part of my emotional fitness routine and only makes me stronger for all that life has to offer, the challenges and the successes, the unexpected disasters, and even the ‘happy-tears’ moments of joy.
So, now that you’ve considered all this, what’s stopping you from starting therapy?
Disclaimer: This blog is not meant as professional advice or counseling. If you are in emotional distress or experiencing thoughts of harm to yourself or others, help is available 24/7:
If in crisis, call 988
Text HELLO to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Text Line counselor
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1–800–273–8255 (TALK) Spanish & English
Deaf & Hard of Hearing TTY 800–799–4889
Call 911
If you need mental health treatment but cannot afford it, contact Rise Above The Disorder, a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to making mental health care accessible to everyone: YouAreRAD.org
