Nervous System Regulation is Going Viral
but Don’t Overlook the First Step.
we often jump straight to techniques without building the foundation: self-awareness.
What is Nervous System Regulation?
According to PositivePsychology.com, Nervous System Regulation is a cascade of physiological responses our nervous system makes to reduce heightened states of arousal and increase states of calmness during times of distress.
While there’s tons of great information about nervous system regulation on the internet and social media – including demonstration videos, lists, and infographics – I’ve noticed it’s often assumed that people are farther along in their healing journeys than they might actually be.
For me, learning to regulate my nervous system started with getting to know myself, my body, and its sensations, and I’m still learning. The nervous system regulation information we often see is missing a crucial first step – self-awareness.
The First Step: Self-Awareness
At my first therapy appointment I remember telling my therapist that I wanted to learn how to process emotions, and each week she would listen to me describe the challenges I was having in life. She often reminded me to notice things.
Admittedly I would sometimes leave annoyed, not at her exactly, but just at having to continually notice things all the time. Like okay, I get it, I’m noticing – and? Eventually I came to understand that the practice of noticing – noticing how I felt after a conflict with someone, noticing my energy levels, noticing where I was seeing patterns of upset – was about self-awareness. Without self-awareness, I couldn’t even tell when I was dysregulated, so how would I even know when I needed to regulate? Mind blown!
At the time, I was so out of touch with myself — especially my body — that I wasn’t really noticing anything so much as I was avoiding everything. My avoidance didn’t look what I thought it would. To me, avoidance looked like a family member who refused to tell someone else in the family why they were upset, or a friend drinking instead of telling me what was going on at work. While refusal and replacement are examples of avoidance, my brand of avoidance was much more discreet (at least to me) – it looked like going out drinking after work even though I was tired, complaining about the same person at work over and over but assuming the other person was the problem, and even ignoring sensations in my body telling me that I was hungry. These acts of avoidance were all a symptom of my larger problem, which was that I had no self-awareness.
Trying to regulate your nervous system before becoming aware of – and accepting of – your emotions, feelings, and bodily sensations – is a bit like trying to play the piano in an orchestra before you’ve ever touched a key.
How to Begin
Self-awareness starts with small acts of noticing, without trying to change anything – just getting curious and paying attention.
Notice your energy
Are you waking up tired or going to bed wired?
Does your energy drop after certain interactions or environments?
Notice your body
When you’re sad, where do you feel it — your throat, chest, or stomach?
Do you clench your jaw when stressed? Feel heat in your face when angry?
Notice your needs
Are you hungry, tired, or dehydrated?
Are you ignoring physical cues like a dry mouth, headache, or low energy?
Notice your thoughts and reactions
What are you thinking when someone cancels plans?
How do you react when you’re told you did something wrong or hurt someone’s feelings?
Start Small to Go Far
These small steps are what build your foundation towards self-awareness. It’s also important to note that aiming for an always regulated nervous system is not the goal. The goal is to create flexibility in your nervous system such that when you become dysregulated, you neither get stuck there nor avoid it – you face it, feel it, and move towards regulation.
So if you’ve ever wondered whether you would benefit from nervous system regulation but you weren’t sure where to start, I invite you to start exploring your nervous system simply by noticing.
And if you’re looking for some additional guidance, here are some accounts I follow where they really break things down: @sarahbcoaching, @the.holistic.psychologist, @mastinkipp, and @myintegrativetherapist.
Disclaimer: This blog is not meant as professional advice or counseling. If you are in emotional distress or experiencing thoughts of harm to yourself or others, help is available 24/7:
If in crisis, call 988
Text HELLO to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Text Line counselor
Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1–800–273–8255 (TALK) Spanish & English
Deaf & Hard of Hearing TTY 800–799–4889
Call 911
If you need mental health treatment but cannot afford it, contact Rise Above The Disorder, a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to making mental health care accessible to everyone: YouAreRAD.org
